Too Close For Comfort

On Wednesday, Grayson decided to take a tumble from his changing table. He went from a standing position, to tumbling downwards in a millisecond. I turned around just in time to see him sailing downward at a completely upside down vertical angle, landing on his head and neck. Time froze in that moment as I had visions of him breaking his neck. The landing was just awful....words can't describe what I saw in that moment. He thankfully began screaming immediately so I knew he was at least somewhat ok. I got to him just a second after he landed holding him close as he cried. Then that's when I started crying. No not crying, bawling. I just kept thinking about "what if" he would've landed just slightly different putting the weight on his neck wrong. I couldn't gain composure, so we loaded up in the car and headed to my mom's house (which was our destination for the morning anyway). He had stopped crying by this point and was totally fine. Mommy, however was not.

I walked into my parents house crying, unable to speak. Which freaked them out to say the least. I finally was able to tell them what happened, and they assured me he was fine...no need to worry. I cried pretty much for the next hour. Then for the next 3, tears kept popping into my eyes throughout the morning at work. Phew. A pregnant mommy cannot take all this emotion.

All I know is I don't ever want to feel that close to something horrible happening again. It was just awful. And, I must say, I do believe in angels helping out my little fella and keeping him from bigger harm.

Oh...best part is, on my way home with him that afternoon, we were stopped at a light. I turned around, and grabbed his foot, playing with him and smiling and telling him how much I love him and how glad I am he's ok. Um..but I didn't realize I was still rolling a little bit....brake not totally on. So, yep... I totally rear ended the car in front of me. Luckily it was just barely a tap and both cars were fine. Didn't even exchange insurance info. But still....like I really needed that on the same day?! So my luck.

I'm happy to report G-man is totally fine and fun and rotten as ever. We are busy planning and getting ready for the big "2" birthday party on Monday. More on that to come!

And That's a Wrap

Stealing this from my good friend Tracey...great idea to wrap up the week/weekend.

This weekend I: Threw a lost finale costume party! We had fun themed food like "Locke's Wild Boar BBQ Sliders" and "Mr. Clucks Chicken Strips" and "Kate & Sawyer have Sex on the Beach Punch". I was Hurley. Cause...how many options are there for a really large third trimester preggo?

Right now I'm: Enjoying a lazy morning with no agenda. Haven't had one of these in a while. Enjoying hanging out with my little man in our pj's. There won't be many of these left with just the 2 of us. I am cherishing the time we have.

This week I will: Finish putting away all of Sawyer's clothes in his room and order the final pic for his wall. After that his nursery is complete! Video tour to come when all is final and done. I will also finish packing my hospital bag (about 50% done at moment), and work on my hand off list for at work. I hate to leave these things to the last minute, cause you never know. And I of course will be going to see Sex and the City 2...which opens Thursday.

I'm Reading: I'm re-reading Apparent Danger by David Stokes - who happens to be my dad. If you haven't read it...pick up a copy. It hits bookstores in next few weeks and is available now on amazon and apparentdanger.com. Awesome true crime story from the 1920's.

Favorite Tweet from Last Week: From Conan O'Brien: I've decided to start tweeting about major world events, so I just read four newspapers. Man, is it me or can Garfield be a real dick?


Favorite TV/MOVIE/Music Moment of the week: Matt Damon on the 30Rock Season Finale as a pilot, talking about Sully (the pilot who water landed the plane in the Hudson). "You know what a great pilot would have done? Not hit the birds. That's what I do every day, not hit birds. Where's my ticket to the Grammys?"

Almost 2

Today was the day to get Grayson's 2 year photos done. I normally don't like to do these things til closer to the actual birthdate, but I really wanted to take advantage of this good deal for ordering some bday thank yous/announcements that I'd like to arrive before the big day. (The big day is on the 31st).

It is really, really hard to believe my little booger is almost 2. Well, that is, until he throws a tremendous fit and reminds me that he is right in the midst of the dreaded terribles. But, time really does fly and I'm trying to enjoy and cherish every moment with this handsome fella now...because pretty soon the poor little dude is gonna have to share me.

Sleeeeeeep

Let's just say sleep hasn't been the greatest lately. There are a couple of hurdles in my way.

1 - My ever expanding belly. Duh. This is my greatest obstacle. Sleeping on my stomach isn't an option, cause it's just not possible. Sleeping on my back isn't an option because the docs say not to. Sleeping on my side is what remains, and I've never been a side sleeper. I have a pregnancy boppy pillow to cuddle with, and some nights that helps, some nights it doesn't.

2 - Anxiety. It's funny cause most of the time I don't feel like I'm nervous or anxious about adding number 2. That is until it's time to sleep. There are some nights where I just can't quite get all the way to sleep. I am almost drifted off, then I wake myself up with a moment of panic where I have to catch my breath. It's really hard to explain. And it's not nearly as dramatic as it sounds. Some nights I just can't shut the brain down.

3 - Restless Leg Syndrome? I read somewhere that 25% of preggos develop RLS during pregnancy. I have a general antsyness at sleepytime right now. I fidget and move and move some more and can't settle enough to sleep. Could it be RLS? And if it is, it's not like I can take anything while pregnant. So what can I do about it?

Needless to say I'm tired. Tired of waking up at 3:45 or 4:30 a.m. for the day because let's face it, no more sleep is happening for me. Tired of not being able to fall asleep at night because I'm having mild freak outs. There is only so much early morning tivo watching and computer surfing I can take.

Any suggestions out there? Sleep remedies? Calming techniques? Help an exhausted sister out.

Wondering What My Balance Is

I work full time. Most of the time I love it, other times I dream of being a stay at home mom. Then there are times like last week when I was stuck in the house for a week with the G-man because he picked up hand/foot/mouth disease. And I realize, I may not quite be wired for the full time staying home thing. I have never been so excited to go back to work as I was this past Tuesday when we were past the contagious phase. But then by Wednesday afternoon when Grayson learned to climb out of his pack n play at my mom's house (she watches him 1 day a week) and wouldn't nap, I just wanted to not have to worry about work and put G and his needs first. I wonder if there is any way to feel like I'm doing the 100% total right thing for me and our growing family.

I do have a dream situation with my job. I have full time child care on site...with people I trust. I can go visit him whenever I want. I get to eat lunch with him every day. And, the price point is way affordable compared to full-time child care centers. When Sawyer arrives, he will be in this child care as well. I guess you could say it's really the best of both worlds. But there are still days where I feel like I only get 30 minutes of quality time with G. We get up, and bond a little in the morning before things get busy and we have to get out the door. I drop him off for the morning, pick him up at noon and have lunch with him, drop him back off for the afternoon, then pick him up when work is over. Once we get home, I cook dinner - not much attention being able to be given to him during this time. We eat as a family, then daddy does bath time and he goes to bed. There are nights I wonder if I cuddled him enough, loved him enough, played with him enough. If I gave him my best at all - or if that went to a million different other tasks instead.

Not complaining here. Just pondering. And wondering how I will feel once Sawyer arrives and my love, time and affection and spread even more thin. I'm familiar with mommy guilt and sure don't like living there. I guess I'm just wondering what my perfect balance is. Do I keep working full time? Cut to part time? Bite the bullet and take a sabbatical for a year or two? (Choice C here is quite unrealistic financially). I guess I won't really know what's best for our family until S arrives in July. But for now, I'm wondering.

Less than 10 weeks to go! Well...hopefully more like 8. I'm ready. And then again I'm not. :-)