Monday, December 31, 2007

The Best & Worst

Growing up, every evening at dinner our parents would have us say the best and worst things that happened in our day. It was an attempt at staying connected to our lives as we were teenagers and tended to close them off more than we used to. In keeping with this tradition, as 2007 ends and 2008 begins, I thought I'd reflect back on a year that certainly has had it's lower than ever lows, and also it's share of wonderful highs.

The Worst

-Ringing in the new year of 2007 without the baby that should've been in our arms from m/c #1.

-3rd miscarriage in April followed by 2nd D&C.

-An awful summer with awful anxiety that was treated with anti-anxiety meds. Took anxiety away, but mellowed me out so much I got awfully depressed. Not really what I needed. Had to take a break from the TTC cause of meds and just not being up for another pregnancy or loss again.

-All testing on me and DH came back normal. Yes, I know, this should be a on the best, and it will go down there too.'s also the worst because it left us with the fear of the unknown going into another pregancy.

The Best

-Fabulous trip to London, England with BFF from high school in February.

-Celebrating 5 years of marriage in September in Hawaii with love of my life

-All testing on me and DH came back normal. At least many unfixable things were ruled out.

-Amazing support as always from my family. I don't know what I'd do without my parents and my 2 sisters who all rock in different ways.

-Thursdays out forgetting my woes with the perfect companion

-4th BFP in late September

- Lefty is still here with us growing inside me. Could it be that 2008 will be the year that our dreams our fulfilled and we welcome a real live baby?


This is probably the 1st time in at least 16 years that new year's day hasn't brought promises of working out and losing some serious poundage. It's an odd feeling to not be able to do that. I guess I can resolve to not become an enormous cow with the pregnancy at least.

My biggest goal this year is to become the best mom I can be, to fully appreciate every moment that I have with this baby,NEVER forget the journey that brought us here, NEVER take this gift we have been given for granted and NEVER stop saying thanks to God for this blessing.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope that 2008 is the year for dreams fulfilled for all of you.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Lefty's First Blue Box

I love blue boxes wrapped in white ribbon. All girls deserve to have a blue box of goodies given to them at all birthdays, anniversaries and Christmases. If I have boys, I will train them well in this. If I have girls, I will teach them to expect nothing less.

My husband has been trained immaculately by his mother who taught him this same virtue. Because of her, I have received great gifts at all of our special occasions because he knows there is no going wrong when the box says "Tiffany & Co".

So, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when at the bottom of Lefty's stocking, Lefty had a blue box of his or her own. Inside the box was the most adorable rattle, that is way too fancy for any child to play with, but is perfect nonetheless. But that's not the best part. The best part was the card inside that the love of my life wrote to the baby. It was perfect and sweet and made me cry. He's going to be one awesome Daddy.

Monday, December 24, 2007

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I LOVE Christmas. It is my favorite time of year. Because I work with music, I actually start listening to Christmas music again in the spring here and there, in order to plan what Christmas music will need to be arranged in time for the upcoming holidays.

Christmas is in full swing for us here in the W household. Last night we had Christmas with my family. Most of my family lives within 10 minutes of me here in Northern Virginia. My oldest sister forsook us a few years back and moved down south with her husband and 2 kids, but they were back up for the weekend which was great. We celebrated at mom and dad's house with our faux Chrismtas Eve. Mr. W. was quite excited to come home with a Wii, courtesy of my parents. We hooked it up last night to our new 50 inch TV (merry christmas to us from us) and had a blast playing the sports. I think the tennis and bowling are going to help keep me in shape during this preggo time. Ha! Who would've thought a video game could be a form of excercise.

Today is a busy one as well. At noon we're at my in-laws house. Then I have to bail at about 3 to head to church to get ready for Christmas Eve Services at church - which are my favorite of the whole year. Then afterwards we'll come home and see if we can restrain ourselves from opening all of our gifts. We always say we'll do just one, but we've lacked self control at times and let the one turn into all. I will stand strong this year though and just do one!

We've both bought things for little Lefty. I've bought things he'll like, he's done the same for me. I didn't realize he had gotten anything for the little one until about a week ago when I noticed more items in the stocking. I was so impressed by him and it was a huge turning point for him as well. He's finally letting himself get excited. He even touched my belly and talked to the baby for the first time last week. He doesn't know this really, but it's a huge Christmas present to me that he's starting to match my emotions on this.

On Christmas Day after doing our presents and having brunch with both sets of parents, we'll be off to the warmness of Florida for a few days. So...if I don't hear from you, or you don't hear from me...Have a wonderful Christmas!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

In Just Three Weeks.....

In just 3 short weeks Lefty will have a name! That's right, we have our gender ultrasound on Tuesday, January 8th at 8:45 a.m. I can't believe it's coming so quick and I'm so excited to start actually calling the baby something besides Lefty or It. Who knows...maybe it's a Leftette instead of a Lefty and I have just been royally confusing the poor little thing.

My gut tells me it's a boy. But my heart hopes for girls. I have always wanted all girls. I'm one of 3 girls and I loved growing up with all sisters, and I've always wanted the same for my kids. But...I of course will be happy with whatever we're given. I just want to be holding a real, live, healthy baby in my arms in June and all will be well.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Out of the Closet

I am now officially "out of the closet". For the 1st trimester I only told people who needed to know, or who I wanted to know. But now I can't really hide it anymore. My growing gut is a definite tell-tale sign. Today at church I had a ton of the "are you?" questions and the "congratulations". I'm starting to not be able to hide it. The funny thing is, if I were to gain 7 pounds just on my own, not from being pregnant, I feel as though this is still what I'd look like. My extra weight always goes to my middle. So oddly enough, even though I am pregnant, I get kind of offended by the question. Cause I'm not that big or anything. I know I would NEVER ask someone who looked like me if they were expecting. I've been asked it too many times when I am not pregnant to ever do that to someone unless they are like 9 months pregnant ready to pop. Kind of silly of me to feel this way...but nonetheless I do.

Monday, December 10, 2007

What Dreams May Come

Last night I had a seriously disturbing dream. I went to the bathroom, did my business, and when I wiped there was my baby in my toilet paper - except it looked like a huge insect with bug wings and eyes and feathers. No I did not eat any special mushrooms last night with dinner and I have no idea where this came from. I'm sure I will have more dreams of wierd things to come...I wonder what other surprises in my sleep I have to look forward to.

Anyone a dream anaylzer out there? What the crap does this mean? Am I afraid I'm going to have an ugly baby or something? ha!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

I love Tuesdays

Tuesdays are becoming my favorite day of the week. Tuesdays mean I have made it through another week, and am that much further along in my pregnancy. I also love checking my little widget on Tuesdays and seeing how Lefty has grown this week. I'm always amazed at the developments that happen week by week when I look at the twirling cartoon to the left. Today I am 13 weeks pregnant. Woohoo!

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Doesn't Make It Easier

You would think that being pregnant would make a day like today easier. See today is the due date of the 3rd angel we sent to heaven in April. So today I should be welcoming a baby into my arms.

I was caught off guard today, because once again I thought I'd be just fine because I have such good things going on with Lefty. Wrong, wrong, wrong. My morning was quite the mess. I thought I was fine, but then my Dad brought me flowers and the floodgates opened. I cried all morning at church. There were moments I couldn't even get any words out through the tears. I'm sure people wondered what was wrong with me. Wondered if I got in a fight with someone. Wondered if something was wrong with Lefty. Nope....I'm just sad for another love lost.

No matter how much I tell myself these things shouldn't hurt, they still do. I know I can't fathom how much I will love this baby that's in my belly when "he" arrives, but I do know that I will always still love the ones I lost and remember them on these dates. My mom had a miscarriage 30 years ago and she still remembers the date of her miscarriage and gets sad. I guess we never totally recover from things like this and I should stop expecting myself to be fine.

So tonight I'm telling myself it's OK to still be sad, even though I do have so much to be glad about.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Am I Really Here?

I must admit that I am more than a little bit in shock that I'm actually here. I am 12 1/2 weeks pregnant and all is still going well. It feels weird. It feels unexpected. It feels darn good.

Yesterday we had our final ultrasound until the BIG one when we find out the gender. Because Lefty wasn't cooperating and not giving the doc the angle he wanted, we ended up getting a half hour to look at all the images of "him" in there swimming around. We have some great profile shots, a very cute little butt shot, and even saw how the blood is flowing throughout "his" heart and body. I don't have a scanner at home, but will post pics when I get my bro-in-law to do it for me.

Notice I am now saying "him". I just have a gut here. Have from the get go that this is a boy. I could be very wrong - and I'd welcome the wrong because little girls are more fun to dress! But...I feel like it's a boy. It's weird knowing in like 6 weeks we'll know and actually get to start calling this little one by name.

I think this one is for real.