Saturday, August 25, 2007

My Journey of Expectations & Disappointments

I began working on writing out my whole story a few days back and I just can't do it. I can't write all the details and emotions down without feeling too overwhelmed. So since I am a lists girl, it seemed less threatening for some reason to list this out in this format with dates and events. If I can just list it out in a factual way, with abbreviations and not full words, I feel like it won't hurt as bad. Like I won't have to relive it as I tell it. So here it is:

--June 05 - Go off birth control

--September 05 - start "trying"

--February 5 2006 - Positive HPT - Pregnancy # 1 begins

--February 28 06 - 1st u/s - See heartbeat at 7w 2d

--March 19 06 - Slight spotting

--March 23 06 - u/s shows no heartbeat

--March 27 06 - D & C #1 --June 7 06 - Finally get 1st cycle induced with progesterone

--July 06 - begin charting using fertility friend

--October 10 06 - positive home pregnancy test confirmed by blood test - Pregnancy # 2 begins
--October 15 06 - WORST DAY EVER - Due date of angel #1, also date of 2nd miscarriage. I begin bleeding heavily and pregnancy #2 is over before it's really even begun

--January 07 - Begin preliminary infertility testing. All tests come back normal.

--March 23 07 - On year "anniversary" of m/c #1 have positive home pregancy test
confirmed by blood test. Pregnancy #3 begins. Baby aspirin and progesterone begin daily.

--April 18 07 - Go in for first u/s at 7w3d and see heartbeat, but baby is only measuring at 5w6d.

--April 25 07 - Worst fears confirmed. Go for follow up u/s and heartbeat has stopped and pregnancy # 3 is over.

--April 26 07 - D & C # 2 (trisomy 16 deemed cause after 6 months of waiting for results)

--May 29 07 - Get first cycle back. Don't begin charting - decide to take some time off from trying for healing and sanity.

--June 21 07 - Due date of angel #2

--August 7 07 - First appt with RE

--September 29 07 - Positive we go again

--October 5 07 - First hcg level is 1436 at 17 dpo

--October 18 07 - heartbeat was 122 bpm and baby measuring at 6w4d :-)

--November 1 07 - heartbeat was 162 bpm and baby measuring 8w4d - graduate from RE back to OB

--November 14 07 - 10 week u/s - 163 bpm heartbeat and measuring right on at 10w1d - woohoo!

--November 30 07 -12 1/2 week u/s was great and the down's syndrome testing was negative.

--December 2 07 - Due date of angel #3

--January 8 08 - Found out it's a boy

--May 31 08 - Grayson arrived early at 38 1/2 weeks and stays in NICU for 9 nights before heading home

--November 09 - Find out we are pregnant again; and so far so good! God is good!


Carrie said...

I am so sorry for all your losses. I know that is of little comfort but I am. I understand the complete devistation of repeated loss and my heart breaks when I hear of others travelling the same path. Take care xx

Sunny said...

HUGS! I was thinking of you today at church. Thanking God for having you in my life. Sad that you understand my journey. But thankful I am not alone!


Amber said...

Sometimes lists are more comforting. I wish you didn't have to make this one, though. Love, Ber

ME said...

You know I love lists- (as dad often says I make lists of all the lists I have to make)- but this was the first time I ever cried while reading a list.

Amanda said...

This list made me sad but yet hopeful :-) You are almost there!

Bee said...

I am so sorry for all of the sadness that you have had to bear and unfortunately I completely understand. I am grateful you made it through this pregnancy to your beautiful little boy.