Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I just turned 28. I rationally know that I am still a spry young thing, but a big part of me feels ancient. I feel like I should have accomplished more in life by now. Especially in the baby department. Growing up I always thought I'd start the kid thing young and be a young mom...just like the one I had. Back then I couldn't have imagined be 28 and still childless, but plans shift as life takes it's course. By the time my mom was 28 she had a 9 year old, 7 year old and 3 year old. My oldest sister at 28 had a 4 year old and 6 year old. By the time my younger sister is 28 she will have a 7 year old and a 5 year old...and probably a younger sibling added to the crew. I've had to learn to do my best at not comparing in this department and not to think about things this way, but it's tough not too. This year while I'm 28 (and in my 29th year of life - ugh!), I've decided to write down some goals. For the most part things that I CAN control, but a few things will be hopes and dreams of things NOT in my control, that I'm praying for. This list is pretty random and dull, but I need to write all this stuff down just for my own benefit. And these are in no particular order. Kind of a stream of consciousness thing going on here. Feel free to skip the reading of this one all together.
1 - Have a healthy baby. This goes without saying that my #1 goal for the year is to not only get pregnant, but stay pregnant and know the joys that come when I hold him or her in my arms for the first time. I will settle for being far into a pregnancy that is sticking by the time I turn 29. I'm not too picky here, I just want good things for me and Bubba.
2 - Par a hole. I've been trying to learn the game of golf for 7 years now, and so far the only thing I've perfected is the cute clothes and shoes. This year, I want to play more than 3 times and I want to genuinely par a hole without fudging it.
3 - Master an instrument. I have a habit of starting things and getting eh at them and moving on. First the piano and now the baritone. I am getting the itch to try out a new instrument, but I really need to get good on one of these other ones first.
4 - Be content with my figure. It just gets so old trying to lose weight, fit into clothes and all that stuff. Why is it that we women let this consume us!? I want to reprogram my brain to feel good about myself, whether I'm up 10 pounds, down 10 pounds in a size 2 or a size 8. What the crap is it all going to matter in the long run anyway?
5 - Floss regularly. Should be an easy one but I never seem to want to do it. Too much effort after brushing my teeth. I'd like to please my dental hygienist just once in my lifetime. This may be the year.
6 - Finish house stuff. Been living here for over 2 years now. Only have 1 room painted and am still missing curtains on a few windows. Shame on me. These things will get done.
7 - Visit at least 2 foreign countries I've never been. Right now it's looking like Holland and Belgium are going to be on the list. Kind of random selections, but they are lovely add ons to a trip to Paris that Bubba says he'll do with me this year. This is HUGE since he always said he'd never go to france because of their politics.
8 - Take advantage of the area in which I live. I live just a short drive or train ride from our nations capital and don't take advantage of all the fabulous museums and history that are out there for me to discover. This is the year to expand my horizons.
9 - Go see the Nutcracker Ballet at Christmastime. I've always thought this would be a perfect way to celebrate the holidays. I have plans already to hit this in December when it comes our way.
10 - Be that person that sends cards for every occasion. I have a huge pile of greeting cards for birthdays, thank yous, encouragement, congrats and more that I never send. I am going to stay on top of dates and send written correspondence, not just an e-card for special occasions.
11 - Be a better wife. This one is a hard one, because I seriously think I rock as a wife. I clean, do laundry, offer to cook even though it's not wanted, give up the sex whenever asked, etc., ad naseum. But....pride cometh before the fall, right? I know there are ways to continue to be a better helpmeet to Bubba and I'd like to find them. I'm sure he could list many things, but I'm not stupid enough to ask him - ha!
12 - Really study my Bible. Not just read it. Dig deep into it. I've scratched the surface of this with my early morning small group, but must admit I don't always put in the time I should on this. More often than not I'm playing catch up because I've failed to do what I should be doing every day. The sad thing is I always get SO much of my study times and always walk away feeling blessed for the special moments with God. Why then is it so hard to keep that time sacred?
13 - Take a class towards a graduate degree. I'm not yet saying I think I'll get my Master's, but I really want to take at least one class to explore the idea and see what areas of study I may be interested in. A big regret I have is not going straight into a graduate program after undergrad was done.
14 - Take more pictures. I tend to bring my camera with me places and then never remove it from my bag to capture memories.
15 - Organize photo library. I have boxes of photos ready to go in albums or frames, as well as digital photos that need to have hard copies made. A large undertaking that overwhelms me, but little by little I need to conquer this one.
16 - Expand my reading horizons. I love, love, love to read. It's that escape thing again that is so fabulous. But, I need to expand to topics I don't know about and add some non-fiction in the mix and read more classic literature, not just smut. Please offer me your suggestions to add to the queue.
17 - Speaking of queues, I need to actually watch the movies in my Netflix queue. I have 3 movies out right now. One since April 26th, the 2nd since May 15th and the last since June 28th. What a waste of money!
18 - Say "NO" more often. I have a bad habit of saying yes to everything that comes my way. I hate to miss anything or be left out. But, my life sometimes ends up so cluttered that I can't even breathe or think. Some things are going to have to give for my emotional and mental health.
19 - Win the lottery. Ok...you have to play to win and I don't. And I probably won't start, but it would be really cool to win. Maybe I'll settle for big winnings at the blackjack table.
20 - Get a tattoo. I've been talking about this one since the day I turned 18. I just could never decide on anything that would be so permanent on my body. I'm 99% sure I will do this during the next year. It'll be something with meaning and memory of what we've lost over the past months. Probably something with angels wings. It'll go somewhere that most will never see, but I will and it will have deep meaning every time I see it.
21 - Figure out what to do with past pregnancy paraphernalia. This is a tough one. I have ultrasound pics for 2 out of my 3 pregnancies on my fridge. I can't seem to take them down even though I know I should. It makes people uncomfortable when they come to my house and I know these pictures need a better resting place. I just haven't figured out where to put them. I also have an array of positive pee sticks floating around in a basket in my bathroom. Two or three from each pregnancy. I for some morbid reason can't seem to part with them. I have some ideas that involve possible burning, burying or rituals, but alas, they still stay in that darn basket for me to see every day as I get ready. I know these 2 things here seem like small things, but this is probably going to be my hardest goal to conquer. I'm sure these things will be blog topic all their own one day.
22 - Use stockpiled gift cards. I have an amazing stack of unused gift cards just laying around. I haven't used them for a multitude of reasons from forgetting them when I go out, wanting to save them for something special or because they were given to me by someone who didn't know my tastes therefore, I don't go to the place and don't use the card. But...this year I am going to use every single last one...even it it only has $2 on it!
23 - Take dance lessons. Bubba and I have been talking about this one since before we were married and gosh darn it, this year we're going to do it! We want to learn all those old, classic dances and be that fun couple on the dance floor that can tango, swing, waltz, etc., So this winter in his down time we're going to finally do this one.
24 - Get a bikini wax. This one has always scared me just a little. I get my eyebrows waxed regularly but that doens't involve wearing a paper thong and having complete stranger put hot wax on my na-na. But...the time has come to give this one a shot. Maybe soon before our trip to Cancun? We'll see....
25 - Run a half marathon. I ran cross country in high school. I had a love/hate relationship with it. I hated it while I was doing it, but LOVED how I felt afterwards. And something about the crisp fall weather each year, always makes me want to start running again. I've done it off and on in the past 15 years, and I'd love to be on an ON again. I've actually gone out for runs a few times in the past weeks and it's been lovely. I have always wanted to run a 1/2 marathon just to say I did it. There is one at disney world in January that I think would be a lovely one to do. All I have to do now is start training.
26 - Stop living my life by "what if i get pregnant". The past 2+ years it has been impossible to plan anything long term. I live in what if's and therefore don't plan anything fabulous. Because of this I've missed out on cool trips, taking classes, training for a marathon and more. I'm not gonna do this anymore! I'm gonna plan fabulous things, and if a trip is planned, maybe purchase trip insurance just in case ;-). See! I can't even really plan without thinking of it! ARGH!
27 - Learn grammar rules. It's just sad to go through all of elementary, jr. high and high school and then college and still not know some grammar basics. I always get hung up on where apostrophe's go, possessive rules, and all those exceptions to rules, comma usage, etc., etc,. I would like to learn these and retain this info for the improvment of myself.
28 - Not beat myself up if I do none of these things this year. Inevitably a third of these will get checked off, a third will get 1/2 way done then never completed and the last third won't even be touched. But, I will not be hard on myself if I don't accomplish these things because LIFE IS TOO SHORT!