Sunday, August 12, 2007

I'd rather write a paper

Given the choice in school between taking a test or writing a paper, I'll take the paper every time. I hate tests. I hate studying. I hate taking them. I hate waiting to find out my score. Now papers on the other hand, I always loved. Give me a topic and some time and I like to research, dig in and put down my thoughts on the subject. With papers, what you put in is what you get out. You put in time and effort and it pays off with a good grade. Tests are not always as clear cut. Time and effort don't always equal the result you were hoping for.

Fertility tests are no fun for this same reason. We've put in the time and the effort over the past 2+ years. Time has been spent charting ovulation, going to doctor's appointments, being pregnant, not being pregnant, crying. Effort has been put forth to point of exhaustion. The constant effort of having to have planned sex - so no fun as anyone who's "tried" for any length of time knows. Effort to just get through the motions of life during this crazy ride of baby dreaming. I'm doing the work....I'm not a slacker!! (any "what about bob" fans out there?) But despite my best "A" student efforts and time, the tests are just out of my control. Time and effort do NOT always equal desired results. Being a control freak, I SO hate this.

So all this to say, we are in another round of tests after our 1st appt. with our fertility specialist. We had a very good appt. with her and really like her. She was thorough and went through all the reasons for recurrent loss against the tests that can be done for that reason. My ob/gyn was actually quite thorough in his testing, which is good to know. I have a crush on him and would hate to have to not like him for not taking care of me :-). So we just have a few more tests to do over the next couple of weeks to have a clear picture of what we may or may not be dealing with in front of us. So for now we wait. But I be a professional at that "W" word these days, so no worries there.

Now if only studying hard or an all-nighter or two would make a good score...


Sunny said...

Waiting SUCKS! Tests SUCK! None of it is fair!


Amber said...

I am glad you are exploring the thing that is consuming you. It's hard to talk of anything else when something this BIG is weighing on you. I'm praying for your womb ;)!

jill said...

I still haven't thought of anything profound enough to say out loud, like I mentioned on Monday... but you know I am praying and all that mushy stuff :)

tracey said...

I'm with Jill - I have nothing valuable to offer beyond that I'm praying for you and Bubba. Not just "I-passed-you-in-the-hall-at-church-and-said-i-would-pray" kind of prayer, but really truly praying.

LJ said...

Hey Deb!
Just wanted to thank you for starting a blog. Sunny mentioned it to me the other day. I'm so glad that they were great at the RE, I'm hoping they can figure things out for you.