Monday, August 27, 2007

Becoming Jane....Becoming Me




I recently saw the movie Becoming Jane. I must say the movie left me thoroughly depressed and my mind has been thinking about Jane Austen's life ever since.

The basic premise of the movie is that Jane finds true love, and through a serious of events, they are not meant to be and do not end up together. (Sorry for the spoiler there for anyone who hasn't seen it). In fact, she ends up alone and dies never having been married at the age of 41. Yet, she gave us some of the most fabulous books in existence with some of the most classic love stories. Pride & Prejudice has been one of my favorites since I first read it in high school, and I recently read Persuasion for the first time. What a wonderfully written story about the situation of waiting. She certainly was familiar with the subject.

My questions is this - had she really experienced happiness and fulfillment in love, could she have written these wonderful stories? I expect the answer is no. Her sorrow and emptiness are what propelled her to be such an excellent author. What she could not experience in life, she experienced on the written page.

Her life has me pondering my own lack of fulfillment. Jane Austen's life was defined by her LACK of what she most desired, and she birthed great things out of it. If I never get what I desire, will I still be able to have a full life that brings about good things? Will I be able to be BETTER for not have having had children if that is my fate?

I may be thinking too deeply here....and I do truly believe good things will come for me and Bubba and we will have a family one day. But, I do believe in a higher purpose and that God knows what He's doing all the time. And maybe, just maybe, this journey of becoming is necessary in order for Him to do amazing things through me. What could these amazing things be? I have no clue. But, I do like to think that there is a rainbow on the other side of this journey - even if it's not all the beautiful colors I'm hoping and praying for.

7 comments:

Amber said...

Have you read Mansfield Park? My personal fave... She's quite an austere looking woman, or should I say handsome ;) (I sure hope you got my very subtle joke.) :)

The Doeblers said...

I think you hit it the hammer on the nail, debby. God is in control and you have changed because of this and hopefully you will use it for a greater purpose. You don't have to know what that is now. Just stay hopeful and remember God's promises. It sounds like you are trying to do that and I commend you for that considering everything you have been through. Remember we can only live this life one day at a time. Today is all you should "worry" about.
Thinking of you- Natalie

LJ said...

What a beautiful post. I will say that while I'd love to have never experienced IF or a miscarriage, I do think that my marriage and thoughts on parenting have been strengthened as a result. I have met wonderful women, I have learned to express myself and communicate better with others. I also have a true appreciation for anyone dealing with a life-altering illness. I have more patience and tolerance, and that is a gift that I've been given through this ordeal.

jill said...

I don't know where to start other than to say that you are truly amazing. Somehow I don't feel like I have the right to agree with all your deep thoughts here... like my saying it doesn't do your whole journey thus far justice... but I do agree with you. God's always up to something, even when we totally don't get it.

ME said...

Maybe you're not an A after all- have you ever been measured? I had been wearing Cs and they didn't fit and I thought it was b/c they were too big- but it tunrs out they too small. My new ones fit the best I've had one fit in years- since I was little and had one AA that I loved! AA-D. That could be a book title. "AA-D: What the Crap??"

tracey said...

hmmm... i've been pondering some of the same thoughts - would i be who i am if i didn't have cancer? can i say i'm a better person today? a better friend, wife, mom daughter, sister etc? is my spiritual life deeper? i'd like to think i'm learning even if i haven't completely caught onto what God is trying to do through me.

The [Modern] Romantic said...

Wow, this is very interesting. I just posted a post about this, only on an earlier stage in my life.