Monday, August 27, 2007
Becoming Jane....Becoming Me
I recently saw the movie Becoming Jane. I must say the movie left me thoroughly depressed and my mind has been thinking about Jane Austen's life ever since.
The basic premise of the movie is that Jane finds true love, and through a serious of events, they are not meant to be and do not end up together. (Sorry for the spoiler there for anyone who hasn't seen it). In fact, she ends up alone and dies never having been married at the age of 41. Yet, she gave us some of the most fabulous books in existence with some of the most classic love stories. Pride & Prejudice has been one of my favorites since I first read it in high school, and I recently read Persuasion for the first time. What a wonderfully written story about the situation of waiting. She certainly was familiar with the subject.
My questions is this - had she really experienced happiness and fulfillment in love, could she have written these wonderful stories? I expect the answer is no. Her sorrow and emptiness are what propelled her to be such an excellent author. What she could not experience in life, she experienced on the written page.
Her life has me pondering my own lack of fulfillment. Jane Austen's life was defined by her LACK of what she most desired, and she birthed great things out of it. If I never get what I desire, will I still be able to have a full life that brings about good things? Will I be able to be BETTER for not have having had children if that is my fate?
I may be thinking too deeply here....and I do truly believe good things will come for me and Bubba and we will have a family one day. But, I do believe in a higher purpose and that God knows what He's doing all the time. And maybe, just maybe, this journey of becoming is necessary in order for Him to do amazing things through me. What could these amazing things be? I have no clue. But, I do like to think that there is a rainbow on the other side of this journey - even if it's not all the beautiful colors I'm hoping and praying for.