Worthy

What do you do with the ultrasound pics from failed pregnancies? Well...mine have just been on my fridge for 2 years +. I've always known they wouldn't stay there forever, but couldn't bring myself to take them off until they had a permanent home somewhere else. I felt as if removing them means I don't love them anymore...and I oh so much still do. They are never far from my mind. As Grayson grows bigger and bigger inside me, I still feel the gaping loss from the ones who never got to this point.


I have finally found frames that I feel are worthy of the pics. These are my angel pics new permanent homes:

Angel # 1 - Lost to heaven March 2006 - Frame says it perfectly - "Angel in the Making"



Angel #3 - Lost to heaven April 2007 - Frame says "So little...so loved" Perfectly stated for this little guy, since he measured behind from the beginning.

My husband always jokingly says our 2nd angel must have middle child syndrome since we don't have any pics around of him. But, unfortunately that's just because he was lost too early to get a glimpse at him. But he is just as loved.

Wanted to share my worthy finds in case any of you other ladies are looking for options for your pics. I found these frames at babies r' us.

What the.....?

Well...it's been a while since my last wierd dream. Being just 60 days out from Grayson's due date, I knew the wierdness was bound to show up again. Sure nuf....last night was a wierd one.



In my dream I was due in a few weeks, when all the sudden my left nipple fell off. Yep...you read that right. It just fell right off. Needless to say in my dream I was very stressed out about how I was going to breastfeed without a nipple. And I was very worried about my appearance - if I was only breastfeeding out of one boob, I sure was going to lopsided for many months.



What the.....?

Shower & Belly Pics

It's a boy centerpieces - so cute!

My 2 BFF's made the trip from NY for the weekend - I love them!

My sisters, my niece and the BFF's again

all the loot

She thinks it's ALL for her

Ugh...the Belly Shot - Here I am 30 1/2 weeks - maybe the horizontal stripes weren't the way to go :)

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Phew!

It has been a busy, busy week and a half. A week ago Saturday and Sunday I was showered - not once, but twice. Saturday was the family shower and out of town friends....Sunday was the church shower with all the ladies from my church. It was a whirlwind of smiling, opening presents and eating cake. I was exhausted at the end of it all and overwhelmed by all the gifts. We piled everything into the house and I have finally finished putting everything in it's proper spot. All his little clothes are washed and in his closet, his bedding is on his crib, his bathroom is set up, his pack n play, swing and bouncy seat are put together and waiting for him, his bathroom is ready to go. I even have finished all the thank you notes. Today I sent out a whopping 101 thank you cards to the guests from all the showers. That's a lot of postage $$! But I am so thankfull for all the loot and our registries at both Babies r us and pottery barn kids are pretty much wiped out....which is huge.

I am so thankful for all the great stuff and a little overwhelmed by generosity. Also overwhelmed with the feeling of being done with all the preparations and having not much else to do but wait for the little guy to cook a little more so he can come out. This is a wierd and strange place to be. A great place....but an odd feeling for sure. The nesting is complete and now it's time for him to come. 2 months to go...we're in the home stretch.

Wow...this is really going to happen.

Going for A Ride

The car seat and stroller have arrived and are all put together and ready for the little man. We decided to do a test ride with our first child, Lady. She didn't seem to like it much, but Mr. W. sure had fun pushing her around the basement.




And...sadly, last Saturday we said farewell to our 2 door convertible and said hello to a practical SUV. Oh the things I'm giving up for you Mr. Grayson!

Down for the Count

Last night right before waking up, I was having a dream that my stomach hurt and I was buying some tums. I woke up to discover it was no dream and that my stomach was indeed quite sick. I thougth maybe I was just hungry and downed some saltines. Big mistake. It quickly became apparent that I have a stomach flu of some sort complete with fever and body aches and chills. I have been down for the count all day long. I haven't left my bedroom, haven't watched tv, haven't even brushed my teeth (yes...I know this is disgusting...I'm hoping to get strength to get up do so prior to hittng the hay tonight.)

So who did I call to come help me out today? My mommy. Seriously...are we ever too old to be babied a bit by them? She stopped by to let the dog out, stock me up with some fluids in a little mini fridge, bring me applesauce and get me set up with the computer in bed and a book. God bless moms. Especially mine who is so completely amazing in every way. I know people say this about their moms, but it is seriously true about mine. I think I lucked out with the best one. Wow...look at me all sentimental on my sick bed.

As my mom took care of me, I began reflecting on little Gray and what type of mom I'm gonna be to him. My mom has always been so selfless with us. Even today, coming over her and chancing gettting sick herself. She also today got thrown up on by my nephew who has the same bug and instead of dodging the puke, just let him do it in her lap. Wow...what a mom thing to do. Now, I still have a hard time imagining myself willingly being puked on, but I do find myself starting to put Gray's needs before mine. In an effort to keep fluids in for him today, I have overcome the puke that was sure to come a few times. Yes...it would offer me sweet relief....but the little guy needs something since I can't give him much at all today. I guess some of that unconditional loving and selfless stuff is starting to kick in. I know I still have a long way to go to be as awesome as my mom. But...I'm happy to see some maternal instinct starting to set in.

One last complaint before I sign off, try to down some saltines so I can take some more tylenol and pass out with the hopes of waking up all shiny and new and feeling good. You know when you normally get the stomach flu and you're puking or on the toilet and lay in bed all day feeling like you want to die? Well....in normal life, there is at least one bright spot to it. The fact that tomorrow you are going to be so darn skinny from the "diet" you never intended to go on. It is the one positive thing that one can look forward to from the stomach flu. But nope...not me. I don't even get that. Yes...I am that superficial sometimes. Can't help it.

Off to bed. Hoping for good things in the a.m.!

From Triple to Double

Well....we've done it. We've crossed over the hundreds of days til Grayson comes, down to double digits. Today my widget tells me 93 more days to go. Whoa! How did we get here? Tomorrow I will be 3 months from due date. This is the home stretch. We CAN do this.

It is all starting to get a bit overwhelming. Not that I'm complaining....I'm so thankful for still being in this game. But there is so much to do, so much to plan for, so many changes ahead of us.

Grayson's nursery is near completion. His crib and changing table are up. The walls are painted. The closet is cleared and prepped. Rocking chair is in place. Curtains are up. So wierd!!

The gifts from registry lists have begun to arrive. On Friday we received our car seat and stroller combo. Boy does that make things so real. On the agenda today - seeing if there is any way in he!! that the car seat will fit in our 2 door convertible. I'm doubtful and have already made a trip to the dealership to talk trade ins...and head back there tomorrow to discuss that more. But we'll see. I hate to say goodbye to my pride and joy over the past almost year. We bought that car on a whim after our 3rd miscarriage last April. It was a silly, expensive, impulse purchase, but the point of it was to put a smile on my face every time I got in it. And you know what..it still does to this day. I hate to get rid of it, but know that soon I'll have a little bundle to put a smile on my face every day instead.

Other things I have been saying goodbye to as of late:

My wedding rings. They were just way to tight and I had to let them go and upgrade (or downgrade depending on how you look at it) to a "fat band" as I refer to it. It's just a simple silver band...and of course it came in a blue box as all things silver should....but I still miss my other rings that have so much meaning.

My bikini line. Yep. I can't see it at all anymore. I know it still exists, but it's sure not in my view. This makes for an interesting go of it for keeping things well trimmed down there. I feel like a blind person just aimlessly playing with a razor. Funny the things you miss that you just never imagined you would.

Sleep. Oh sweet sleep, where did you go? Now I must admit, I've never been the best sleeper in the world anyway, but it's reached whole other levels these days. I'm lucky to get in 4 hours of it. I just can't get comfortable for longer than a little bit. I have the preggo pillow, I do the side thing, I even am still somehow managing to sleep on my stomach some too, but it's all in vain. Sleep evades me constantly. One thing I do know is that I am SO ready for the middle of the night feedings - I'm up anyway!

I leave you with a belly pic. This is actually the 1st belly pic that was taken of me my whole pregnancy. I resisted it until 22 1/2 weeks. I just was so afraid to chronicle things in this way...afraid to jinx things. This is now 4 weeks out of date, and yes, I am definitely bigger since then as the scale creeps so close to 30 lbs gained already. UGH! But...I thought I'd share the first pic of Debby and Grayson together.